will never bee ~~

She will never be the apple in your eye.

She's down ~
So dull ~

Its been awhile..
despite of the time being..
to you, she's not good in a sense..

It doesn't matter if ppl dislike,
the one and only person she mind is you..
Iss youu..

But the night just crashed.
She realized, she can never be the one you wish to have..
The one whom you've been dreaming of all this while..
She miss your kisses, your praise, your compliment,

Though she tried it so hard,
She has changed, to be different, to make u feel better being with,
Tonight, the dream just crashed..
Shes down.. She can never smile like before,
She knew she cant ~

She.
Knew.
It.
Deep.
Down.

No one will ever appreciate her. No one can feel the difference of her being her. No one can touches the inner her.


The Night..
This is the night where hearts broken and no one here to ease.


Pathetic her.

..

Ive no idea if this happens on couple often..
Or is it only me..

While de other party's having wild fun..
the way they talk seems..
or maybe its me whos thinking negatively..

They somehow seems as if dey were rushing for something..
wanting to just hang ur call up n go off..
Is it that im embarrassing..?
Im annoying?
Or well,
they just kinda .. dis-remember u?

Friends around often says,
when one is around v friends,
as in
outing,
partying,
they will 'definitely' abandon their love ones.
And this isn't true love.
I never gt to understand this particular theory ..(all dis while)..
And guess what...
I just DiD.

Well,
i guess whenever im v friends..
ill excuse myself for making one or two calls..
whether to send regards,
whether to talk shit,
whether to just check upon dem,
Somehow, I will.

Argh..
Moodswing.. =(
Star.. wud u listen once again??

Hungrryyy...

Hungry + Boring ..

Hmmm ...

I want supper.. Anyonee?
hmm..
Found no one.
Pathetic.

=((

=)

好久没写部落了,睡不着觉的我,
此刻,也忘了怎么开始。
这是我沉闷圣诞节记事簿。

7:00 AM
25/12/01

不知不觉,又到了圣诞节前夕。
不知是我,还是外面的世界。
总是好像,搭不起。
总觉得自己离外界的一切好远好远。
好生疏。

朋友约在一伙庆祝着,倒数着
大家真的那么期待圣诞节的来临吗?
我不懂吧,为何自己总感觉无趣。
也许没人约吧。。哈哈!
人人口中都是那一句,“圣诞节快乐”。
圣诞节这天,人们就真的会过得较快乐吗?

也许身边没个特别的人陪同吧。
哈哈。。好像就只有我,讨厌大日子。
不是不喜欢
更不是不期待
只是,在大家都聚在一起庆祝,倒数的那同时,
自己却不知在何处,开着车,兜着兜着。
但其实,开心也不是,兴奋也不是,悲伤更不是,
只是想要让自己燃烧起来,
不想在家沉闷着,望着小房里的四面墙,
那感觉真的说不出口。

今年圣诞节,
决定不兜车,
就在家里,享受圣诞的气氛。
但不知为何
还是有一点点的沉闷。
可能是饿了,
可能是寂寞,
但更可能是家人都不在。
今年不想好像往年一样,
自己一个开着车,总希望看到烟花,
但没有一次是看到的。
或许是累了。

二零一零年的圣诞节,
会是我临去新加坡读书的最后一个圣诞节。
五年后,我想我再回到这故乡,也许一切都变了。
亲情,我家人(那根支撑着我的柱)我清楚知道我们是不会有一刻的生疏感。
至于朋友呢,知心的一支手指数得完吧。。又有谁会记得我。
但其实今年的圣诞节,有了五个朋友的真心祝福,
其实,我真的真的真的很满足了。
可能是自己很容易满足,
可能是我,
总喜欢活在一个自己小小的世界里。
可能是累了,不想太在乎。
朋友不需要多,知心的一个就够了。
可能想要自己学会坚强吧。
不想依靠他人,不向他人诉苦。
不想被人同情。
更不强求朋友的陪伴。
心事自己知就好。
问题自己扛就好。
自己一个其实也可以很好。。

爱情呢,不想说了。。(哈哈)

虽然我知道没人会看我的部落,哈哈。
但还是一样的,
在这,我小小的部落里,
心里希望大家开开心心的,过着每一天。
笑一笑,真的没什么大不了。
就算不开心也好。。
但其实,认真想想,自己其实是已算幸运的了。
我,是这么的想。。


7:20 AM
是时候睡觉了。


走过了风风雨雨
看过了四次雪季
体会了无数领悟

转眼天一片黑乌
鸟儿都已归回屋
倒是我还在迷糊
人生抉择的道路

那条选择小巷路
是否有无限前途

夜里绵绵的小雨
心里都早已模糊
静静的无人诉苦
就只能默默求助

我岁月已二十出
却还是如此迷糊
不知往哪个出路
让未来足以漂浮

我期盼天使领悟
这是我人生之途
带我走出这小路
看见那一片瀑布

unspeakable me


I thought , time could heal ones wound.
I thought , it is all fated as to depart from our love ones.
I thought , it is alright , so long as .. is pleased.
I thought , keeping myself busy could stop myself from remembering.
I thought , somehow , someday , things will fall in place.
I thought , nothing stays the same as time passes by.
I thought , chances and fate would come to me one fine day.
I thought , being the real me would make myself happier.
I thought , misunderstanding will divulge someday.
I thought , i will gain happiness if only i act like one.
I thought , it is more than enough to have no one other than myself.
I thought , i will be fine leading myself without any companion.
I thought , what matter most isn't companion, but myself.
I thought , i would never thought of being depress.

if only i have a listener here right beside.
If only
Someone calling me up
to at least send me their best regards
If only
Someone could touches my heart
If only
Someone sees through my mind
If only
Someone could understand me without me explaining
If only
I have a someone who will never misjudge me, from the very beginning

How i wish i could turn back time
I wanna be an infant
nothing to worry of
but
being bubbly , contented all time

insane me ...

College ended,
New life started (GAMESS)..
I have no idea if im de one and only whos having such a thought,
'wanting to die'... ha ha ha ( well , it aint that funny after all )... =((

What am i thinking???
why am i hving such a thought.. (i'm thinking still)
i know, it sounded as if im a nuisance.
but truly, life ere has been reallllly reallllly meaningless...

Three specific schedule daily !!!!
1.sleeping
2.eating
3.playing games....

As it clearly stated **Ive no direction in life....

deep down...i know myself well, ( BEYOND WELL IN FACT ),
I know what i want,
as to continue with my degree...
as to continue degree in singapore...
as to start applying...
as to go for a body check-up...
and blahh....

Talkin upon on that...
BODY CHECK-UP...
ahhh.. (FED-UP)
im beyond obese...
how am i suppose to put off in such a short period of time...
in fact, i know im unable to...
thus, de only thing im able to do is to..."" ignore "".. hahah

Time passes real fast,
college ended for almost 2 weeks (if im not mistaken)
as ive mentioned earlier
my life has been really reallly pathetic
i'm now sort of like ...(friendless)
As ive predicted
that the end of college will somehow change my way of living
so called friends are no more friends
they too have their life to lead and to be worry on
and i bet i will not be as important as like their **TRUE FRIEND**
In fact, im not one of anyone's good friend... (okay, dis is a lil confusin) haha

As a conclusion...
friends around are absolutely (NOT SINGLE)
they have their ** cupid lying on...
and unfortunately,
im living de other way round....
YES *IM EXTREMELY SINGLE
*EVERSINCE DE DAY I WAS BORN*
LIVING IN MY so called -LITTLE LITTLE WORLD-..
no one can even feel me .... (HAHA)

Ive been watching movie all by myself thrice a week...
Window-shopping with me myself twice a week...
playing games every single day to spare my loneliness...
( guess thats y im here blogging )...
ive got nothing else better to do... SERIOUSLY !!!!

People might think this way , in which th bloggin is mainly to increase *popularity*,
encouraging their peer group to have a clearer picture on what he or she is up to,
Nah, to me, its more likely to be a free-space.. for one to fill up their boringness.

whereas to increase popularity
* we have here .. the FACEBOOK .. iznt it ?? XD

anywayyyyyyyyyy....................
i dont consider or to see myself that unlucky lah !
At least , i have my family members here accompanying me everyday XD
Love dem to bits ... !!
daddy buying me Nike shoe..
mommy preparing my meals..
sister playing games with me...
* missing my brother (down in australia)
they're my very 1st priority...
maybe i take no one else that necessary ... =)

Hmm..
ill be furthering my studies next year.. (january to be exact)..
Leaving penang behind * as a memory of mine *..
two years.. (SHORT RIGHT?)
haha..
how i wish i could just lead the entire life of mine in singapore ..
or probably NewYork... haahaaa..
parents being a PR in NY.. iznt it nice ? iznt it amazing? iznt it wonderful..?
HAHAHA .... =DD yeah, they did mention that previously ...
hopefully they have their commitment on path...

Wooouu... its now 5pm
Still i'm ere lying on bed... typing !!! ..
hmm.. guess thats all for now... bye rebecca lim ( haha , insane me , talking to myself )...
errrr... dont mind me... this is what happens when one falls beyond boredom...
haha okay .. thats all seriously !!.. haha

Chaoo


我不说


情与爱…
它对我来说…
''我没勇气去触摸…
因为明白也知道
不会有人喜欢我''
也不想一错再错…
爱了,又被伤害

其实我泪伤有很多…
朋友
懂我的却没几个…
口中说想要单身生活…
外表坚强的我
其实知道自己很脆弱

朋友总以为我过得很快乐…
没有烦恼
天天微笑
你们不明了…
其实我的孤独
只能在夜里承担
我的悲伤
只有自己
能懂…

有时候想用歌声…
对你们诉说…
其实我真的很寂寞…


只是不想说…
说了又如何
只是不想说…
伪装自己的脆弱其实很寂寞…
只是不想说…
一个人生活只是种沉默
只是不想说
朋友你们陪一陪我
更不想开口说
其实我不说
是因为我没勇气看到朋友
为我而失落

my little little world

Time,
(is conquering my mind)

Good friends,
(i guess its all a lie)

Buddies
(no one ever called up for a HI?)

Sigh
(none of you ever ask me why)

Loneliness
(is killing me inside)

Problems
(I found no one to rely)

Soul mate
(They are no longer mine)

Tears
(i tried hard not to cry)

Dilemma
(i'm puzzled all inside)

Stars
(could you read my mind?)

Sorrow
(i have you throughout the night)

College
(its time to say goodbye)

College friends
(thanks for cheering me up all the time)


[I guess, its time for me to decide..
Whether to stay or to say goodbye..
Im thinking..
Its ok for me to fly..
Since.. Im 24/7 unaided
True friends i couldn't find..
I hope,
I could learn to be a little more stereotype..
*friends are harsh,
ill always bare this in mind..
*people are unkind
ill keep this phrase in mind..]

站在矿场中央,感觉好孤单。
朋友的陪伴,我早就不期盼。
一个人入电影院,如常如常。
其实,我知道自己很坚强。
就如男人一般的不屑。


boring !! i wanna attend classes , i wanna go college !!!

I'M

Boring . Rotting . Rusting . Dulling

&

so..
i did something childish (at home)
im being deadly bored to death

But the result actually shocked me out..
Its nice right? hahahaha..

Yes It is !

Im so proud of myself out of a sudden..
(haha) no doubt
as im good in writing my chinese name .. (waoh)
haha..
its so nice.. ahm *hungry hungry*.. feel like eating dem up !

*ps-my sistas, u guys are inside lerh* wou!







Beck